According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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