you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
