She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
