I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
