Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
