i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
