there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
