Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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