so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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