Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
