I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
