my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
