Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
