Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
