don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
