she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
