Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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