I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
