D3 body, D1 cock
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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