i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
