we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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