elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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