I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
