I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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