it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
