either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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