I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
