Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
