I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My ass is underappreciated
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
