Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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