guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm always down for nudity.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
