Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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