i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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