my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
