Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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