Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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