In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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