I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
