I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
