look no pants
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
