Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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