I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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