I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He did a backflip because drugs
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
