If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
