Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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