I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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