Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
