Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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