the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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