In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
