some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
