You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
