sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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