when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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