Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
