dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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