I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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