In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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