I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
