Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
