Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
