You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
