worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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