So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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