Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
