Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
