ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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